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CHAPTER 6: The Nature of Love

Monday has passed, followed in orderly succession by Tuesday and Wednesday. They have been peaceful days. On Tuesday, as promised, John and Steven had shown Paul Hayward the wonders of Basingstoke, taken him to see his new school, and introduced him to Mark and Wendy. Wednesday was spent in each other's company, finally having that romantic picnic by the water, walking in the woods, talking about the future, their hopes and plans and how best to arrange them around each other, the peaceful day that young lovers deserve.

Now it's the middle of the afternoon on Thursday. Much to their distress John and Steven have been apart through the day, John having to lunch with his grandfather. While he loves the General dearly and enjoyed visiting him, his heart was elsewhere. Now at last they are meeting in the park where they first got to know each other's secrets and where they were reunited. Their greeting is restrained, a quick hug of friendship, a soft smile of love, eyes that sink into each other's soul. Nothing that would attract attention, just a gentle explosion of light and love that brings brightness to this otherwise cloudy and dour day.

"How was it Johnny? Did you have a nice lunch?"

"Nice, very nice and very dull. Grandad told his favourite army stories. Thank God I know them by heart because all I could think of was you. I wanted to be with you."

"We've all the time in the world. Is your mother any better?"

"You won't believe it. When I got back I told her I was coming to see you and she actually asked how you were."

"One small step for man,"

"One giant leap for Dixonkind. She even said to say hello!"

"Wonders will never cease. My mother sends her love."

"How are your parents?"

"Out."

"You've got a one track mind! I said how, not where."

"Sorry."

"Don't be, I love that track and I love where it leads."

"Well if we walk across the park we'll find it'll lead us straight home."

"Straight!"

"How about direct?"

"Lead on Macduff."

Steven jumps up and with a burst of energy starts running across the park towards home. John lets him get a lead and then effortlessly sprints after him, catching up with him near the toilet block.

"Thought you could outrun the champion?"

"I just need a bit of practice."

"Okay, you can start jogging with me tomo… What's that?"

Sounds of yelling are coming from near the toilet block. Then two words can be heard clearly above the yells, "Fucking Queer!"

"Come on!" John dashes off towards the loo with Steven in hot pursuit. As the round the corner they can see three youths beside the trees kicking another figure lying on the ground.

"What the fuck!" John yells at them.

"Found this little queer in the loo," the leader says, kicking the boy on the ground. "He's got to learn a lesson."

"Get off him."

"Oh we've got some do-gooders here have we? Fuck off!" He advances on John and Steven shaking his fist threateningly. With a shock Steven and John realise that the figure on the ground is Paul.

"Let him go!" John orders them. He dodges around the leader and pushes the other two away from Paul. The leader and one of his followers set on him, the third attacks Steven. Paul lies on the ground clutching his stomach. He rouses, sees what's going on and lurches to his feet. With a groan his starts pounding on the back of one of John's attackers.

With what he thinks is commendable strategy, Steven incapacitates his attacker by neatly kneeing him in the balls, making him fall to the ground in agony. Steven sees John is equally matched but Paul is in trouble, he is in too much pain to be able fight properly. Steven jumps on Paul's opponent from behind, throws his arms round his body and clings as tight as he can.

The crippled fighter staggers to his feet and tackles Paul before he can do anything to help Steven. Steven's opponent frees himself by simply falling backwards onto Stephen and winding him. With both Steven and Paul on the ground the three louts gang up on John.

There's a yell and suddenly there's another person fighting beside John. He is fresh and a vicious fighter. One of John's attackers fall to the ground from a blow to the stomach and the second falls back from a punch to the jaw. The third backs off. Steven stands and helps Paul up. Now it's four against three. The attackers hadn't expected to have to do battle, it's no fun anymore. They turn and run away.

"Thanks Kevin," John says to their rescuer. Kevin just gives him a dirty look.

Steven goes over to Paul who is nursing his right hand in his left. His shirt is ripped, he has a split lip and the cheek below his left eye is starting to swell.

John joins them, "Steve?"

"I'm okay. I just got winded."

"Paul?"

"I've been better."

Where's it worst?"

"Everywhere! My hand's pretty bad, I'm not used to fighting."

"Better get you home," John decides. "You live near here don't you?"

"Yes."

They start to walk towards Paul's home. Paul is limping. His graze from Monday's fall has been opened up. John and Steven support him. They haven't got far when Paul's remembers something, "My bike!"

"Kevin can you get it?" John asks.

Kevin is still hanging around. As much as he would like to abandon them, he knows he can't let an old friend down, no matter what. He gets the bike and follows them out of the park, keeping his distance.

Eventually they reach Paul's home. He fumbles for his keys and drops them through sore fingers. Steven picks them up and unlocks the door.

"Is that you dear?" a voice asks from somewhere in the depths of the house.

"Yes Gran."

An old woman comes out of the sitting room. She is short, white-haired and looks to be about 80. She takes one look at the sight before her and takes immediate control. "Bring him through here."

She leads them into Paul's bedroom where the lay him on the bed. The room is quite simple, Paul hasn't yet had a chance to personalise it beyond a few photos. "The bathroom's next door. Clean yourselves in there, I'll be with you shortly." She shoos John and Steven out and quickly begins to tend to Paul's injuries.

Cleaned up, they wait in the sitting room. Steven is surprised to see Kevin is still there. So is Kevin. John tries to make conversation with him, but Kevin doesn't want to talk.

"Alright, what happened?" Paul's grandmother asks as she joins them.

After a few seconds of embarrassing silence Steven tries to explain. "We were in the park and found him being attacked by three guys."

"Do you know them?"

"No."

"I've seen one of them before somewhere," John tells her.

"And you?" she asks Kevin. He is reluctant to answer. She impales him with angry eyes. "These bastards attacked my grandson. If you know who they are you have to tell me."

Kevin cannot ignore her request. "I know one of them a little. He drinks at a pub I go to sometimes."

"Good. I'm going to take Hopewell to the police…"

"Hopewell?" Steven blurts out, he can't help himself.

"My grandson."

"He said his name was Paul."

"It is, Hopewell Paul Hayward. He doesn't like it. I don't know why, the name's been in the family for five hundred years."

"It makes me sound dorky," Paul says limping into the room.

"I told you to stay in bed young man."

"But Gran, we've got guests."

"Well sit down and introduce me," she says grumpily.

Paul sits beside her. "Gran this is Steven Carter, John Dixon and…" He looks to Kevin, he's never met him before.

"Kevin Grainger."

"I'm Grace Hayward. Pleased to meet you all. Thank you for rescuing my grandson. Before we go into this are any of you injured?"

"Nothing major, just a few bruises," John tells her.

"Same here," Steven says.

"I'm alright," adds Kevin.

"From the look of you, you all need a drink." She goes off to the kitchen and returns with cokes. "There's stronger stuff in the drinks cabinet if you need it."

Gratefully John helps himself to a scotch and so does Kevin. They settle back down uneasily. Grace doesn't give them time to decide who's going to do the talking. "Since no-one wants to start, I'll have to. Where exactly did this happen."

"War Memorial Park," Paul tells her.

"Why did these bastards attack you. Did you provoke them?"

"Don't know Gran," Paul says in a small voice.

"Does anyone?" She knows her grandson's lying. She looks each of them in the eyes, they are all keeping something back. Which one will break first? Of course. "Kevin, do you have any idea? You know one of them."

"Well." Kevin has nothing to lose. "Frank, he's the one I recognised, he's done this before."

"Why?"

'Because you're grandson's queer,' he wants to scream. It comes out as a soft "Don't know."

"Yes you do but you're not going to tell me. You all think I'm a helpless little old lady and won't understand."

"I think they wanted my bike Gran."

"Rubbish!" Grace looks at them one by one. "This has been going on in that damn park for over sixty years to my certain knowledge. When will the world come to its senses? Why can't there be a place in it for everyone?"

Steven is quite impressed. He is quickly coming to like this little old lady, although he's sure that that is exactly how she wants people to think of her, a nice defenceless old lady.

"Paul, you never knew my brother. He was the most beautiful person I ever knew, good-looking, well-mannered, kind, loving, gentle, everything one could want in a man, but my father threw him out of the house when I was five, disowned him completely, because of one thing. He was too loving to his fellow man. Poor Jonathan was left with no home and no money. He didn't let it destroy him, he built a new life, found someone he loved, started a business and took me in when our parents died. He and his friend brought me up, they gave me everything, they were all the family I had. They loved each other deeply, Jonathan and his friend. They lived for each other and they died together in the blitz. I still miss them so much. Paul you remind me so much of Jonathan, I just hope you can find someone as loving as Charlie. I have never known two people who loved each other as much as Jonathan and Charlie." She wipes the tears from her eyes. She feels silly to be crying for two men dead nearly sixty years.

"Uncle Jonathan was gay?"

"Yes dear, just like you."

"You know?"

"I know. I've always known." She hugs him tight and he groans as she presses into his ribs. "You're hurt there too."

"Just bruised."

John and Steven sit there, deeply impressed by the love this woman has for her dead brother and for her grandson. Steven is crying, John takes his hand. Kevin is confused, his ingrained prejudices are screaming but there are tears in his eyes too.

Grace dries her eyes. "Right. Now we're going to the police to report this bashing. You're all coming with us to make statements. I'm not going to let these bigoted dimwits get away with this. You are coming aren't you?"

"Of course we are," John says for both of them. Kevin doesn't answer at all. "Kevin we need you to come. You're the only one who can identify them."

"Please do it for an old lady," Grace implores.

"I'll do it but that doesn't mean…" Kevin glares at John.

"Kevin, we've been friends for a long time. Can't we still be?"

"How can we be?"

"Kevin, why do you hate me so?" Steven asks.

"I don't hate you. I just don't like you. You're different, you don't fit in."

Sadly John looks at Kevin. "Am I different too now?"

"I don't know." Kevin doesn't know what to think any longer. This is a man he has always looked up too, always respected, and now he's queer. It just doesn't make sense. "Look John, I'll help you out because I don't like Frank, but it doesn't mean I approve of you're being queer."

"Why not?" Grace asks.

"It's not natural."

"What is?"

"A man and a woman, that's natural, that's normal."

"So's death and disaster, famine and plague, love and happiness. I've seen too much death and unhappiness in my life. I lost so many friends during the war, I've lost my husband, my brother, my sons, and there's only one thing of which I'm certain."

"What's that?" Steven asks quietly.

"Love. The only thing that matters is love. Kevin if the only thing you ever love is a cat or a dog then your life will be better for it. If you can love another human being it will be far richer. Does it matter so much who you love?"

"Yes it does."

"Do you love your family?"

"Yes," Kevin says emphatically.

"Your friends?"

"No. Well I like them a lot, but I don't 'love' them."

"Don't be semantic," Grace snaps. "'Like' and love' are both aspects of the same thing."

"Okay then, I suppose I 'love' my mates."

"Well I 'love' John," Steven tells him.

"It's not the same thing."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't fuck them!" John shouts. "Sorry ma'am."

"I've used worse language myself." Why is this boy being so difficult? Why can't he understand? "Kevin, what's so bad about sex?"

"Sex is great," Kevin assures her.

"You said it," Paul announces.

"Young man I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means." Paul decides to keep his mouth shut. "Kevin, you haven't really answered my question. I'll put it differently. What is sex?"

"It's when two people make love."

"The words I wanted to hear, 'It's when two people make love.' It is the physical expression of love."

"It isn't always love," Kevin protests.

"True, sex without love exists. I know all about that."

"Gran!"

"Don't be shocked Hopewell, sorry, Paul. There's nothing you can think of that we didn't get up to in the 30s and in the war. In my life, forgive me Paul, I have made love with a fair few men. But never once with a person I didn't like. There was always an element of love there, it may not have always been much, but it was there." A smile sneaks across her eyes as she remembers a few of her loves. "Kevin, have you ever made love?"

"Yes."

"Often?"

"Often enough," Kevin says with pride.

"When was it best?"

"With Jess."

"Did you love her?"

"Yes I did. I think I still do." He wonders why he had to stuff it up so badly.

"Can you accept that John and Steven love each other?"

"I suppose so," he admits grudgingly.

"Then why shouldn't they make love?"

"It's just not right."

"Why not?"

"It's not natural."

"Why not?"

"Because… because… because it isn't…" But why isn't it? He knows there is a damn good reason why not, but he just can't think what it is. "I don't know why not," he finally admits.

"Is it against the will of God?"

"I don't believe in God."

"Do you believe in love?"

"Yes I do."

"That's a start I suppose. Kevin will you do something for me?"

"What?"

"Visit me again and talk about love."

"Maybe, okay, it can't hurt."

"Thank you. Now let's go. We've got some butts to kick."