· Fan Fiction Main Menu

Average Reader Rating on this book /39 Ratings

Login or register to rate this story yourself

CHAPTER 5: Coming Clean

"What's going on here?"

The shout scares them both. The blood drains from John's face as he turns defensively while Steven continues to walk a few steps feigning nonchalance. When he does turn he sees John looking around in puzzlement for the cause of the outcry. Steven is the first to see the source, a grumpy old man berating a young couple kissing in front of his shop.

"Just show's the world's against young lovers," Steve remarks with a smile. "He could at least have had the decency to let them finish their kiss first."

They watch as the young man takes his girlfriend's hand and runs off in search of another place to pursue their romance.

"I thought he was yelling at us," John says, a little embarrassed at his own reaction.

"Want to make him?"

"You want to kiss me right here?" John is shocked but also rather excited.

"Tempting," Steven teases, "but no. Let's find a nicer place." He smiles enticingly at John, then over John's shoulder sees a familiar figure. "Hey, there's Mark."

"Has he seen us?"

"Not yet."

"Does he have to?"

"I would like to talk to him, I haven't seen him since last week."

"I don't know if I can cope." It's almost a plea.

"You were okay with Paul."

"Paul didn't know me."

"Mark will have to know sometime, he's my friend." Steven doesn't want to push and is prepared to give in if John asks him to, but he doesn't want to hide their love from the world any longer.

"Does he have to know I'm g..." John trails off, he knows he's giving in to fear. He takes a deep breath and, as if giving himself an order, says quietly "No more lies." Then louder he says "Let's talk to him."

Steven's so proud of him, "I know this is hard for you John, but it is worth it."

"I know it is, I decided that last week."

"How do you mean?"

"I realised I had a simple choice to make, me or you. I had to choose between the ME I knew, the popular guy with lots of mates and great expectations, lying and hurting and utterly miserable, and YOU, the person I knew I loved more than I loved ME. Coming out is scary but not as scary as the thought of life without you."

"I want to hug you," Steven says wistfully.

"I wish I had the courage to let you."

"You will," Steven says confidently. "He's seen us." He waves to Mark who is running over to them.

"Hello Steve, Dixon."

"Why so formal? Call me John."

"Okay, John. What are you two up to?" Mark gives no indication at all that he sees anything curious in John and Steven being together.

"Just off to get some lunch," Steven tells him.

"Want to join us? Wendy and Jess are checking out clothes, then we're going to eat."

Steven looks to John. He is quite happy to have lunch with them but doesn't want to put too much strain on John. Funny sort of date this is turning out to be. John nods half-hearted agreement.

"There they are," Mark says as Wendy and Jess come out of a shop on the other side of the shopping centre. "They'll never see us here, I'll go get them." He runs off.

"John, are you sure you don't mind?" Steven asks.

"It's okay. But I was rather looking forward to lunch by the water."

"So was I, but I can think of something better."

"What?"

"What time's your mother's committee?"

"Two."

"When will she be home?"

"About five I suppose."

"And your father?"

"He's never back before six."

"We can still be by the water," Steven's eyes twinkle in anticipation.

Sudden enlightenment strikes John. "Or find somewhere more comfortable," he suggests.

They're still smiling at the tantalising possibilities of the afternoon when Mark and the others join them. Wendy and Jess take turns to hug Steven but are both a bit distant to John. Wendy doesn't know about their relationship so she doesn't know quite how to react. While Jess does know, she's not certain how things lie. She's not sure exactly what happened between them on Prize Day but she knows it was traumatic.

"Where do you want to eat?" Mark asks them.

"We were planning on pizza," Ste tells him.

"Great idea," Wendy agrees. "As long as it's not Pizza Hut."

"There's a great place a couple of blocks away. That's where we were going."

"Then let's get there quick, I'm starving," Wendy replies.

"Then why spend so much time window shopping?" Mark wonders.

With Steven in the lead they head out of the shopping centre. Within a short distance Steven, John and Jess realise that Mark and Wendy have dropped behind. Jess looks back at them walking along hand in hand, and laughs, "Look at the lovebirds."

"It's kind of sweet," Steven says, smiling fondly.

"Speaking of sweet, I didn't expect to see you two together." Jess is fishing for information.

"Why not?" John asks cautiously.

"Not very discreet is it?"

Steven grins, Jess has told him about discretion before. "No not very, but what the heck."

"Why be discreet?" John enquires.

"You never know what people will think."

"Let them think what they want."

Jess is surprised by John's defensive tone. "Even after Prize Day?"

"Even after Prize Day."

Jess looks at Steven questioningly, how far can she probe? Steven grins back at her, barely concealing his happiness, not that he's trying to.

"They'll think you're lovers."

"Will they now?" Steven asks.

"Well are you?"

"What do you think?" John asks her.

"I know you were." She looks at John warily, should she have said that? His eyes twitch in momentary alarm but he doesn't object to her statement. "I thought you'd broken up."

"We did," Steven tells her.

"Well?"

"We unbroke," John says.

"That's awful English," Steven tells him, grinning in amusement.

"Well I'm a pretty awful Englishman," John smiles back at Steven. "Just ask my mother."

"What's happened?" Jessica stops walking. "I'm not moving another step 'til I know."

"Know what?" Wendy asks, almost bumping into her.

"Yeah what?" Mark demands.

Jess is lost for words. Clearly something important has happened between Steven and John but she doesn't want to force John to disclose his secrets.

Steven is touched by her friendship and understands her difficulty. He decides it's time to get things out into the open. He looks to John for permission and John smiles back trustfully. "Well it's like this," he begins. "John and I..."

"Let me Steve." John looks at the expectant faces as he searches for the best way to say it. There is only one way. He heaves a mental sigh, best get it over and done with. "I'm gay." Everything goes deathly quiet, John is still surprised that the world doesn't collapse under him. At the same time he realises he's finding it easier to make the admission. "Steven and I, we're…"

"We're in love," Steven finishes. John looks at him gratefully and is lost in the love he sees reflected in Steven's eyes. That love gives him the courage to take on the world.

Mark and Wendy are completely surprised. Jess smiles happily and throws her arms around John and Steven, pulling them both into a giant hug. "That's great!"

"What? How? When?" Wendy and Mark's questions pour out in a tumble.

"Which one first?" Steven asks, laughing at their eagerness.

Mark is first to get in his question, "How long?"

"That's a rather personal question," Steven replies.

"You know what I mean," Mark reddens with embarrassment.

"Two months," John tells him.

"Two months!" Wendy exclaims. "But I thought... Oh, that's why you dropped Christina." She wonders whether she should have mentioned Christina and is relieved to see that John doesn't seem to mind.

"John, I didn't know you were..." Mark is about to say queer, but he's not sure whether that's the best word to use.

"Dodgy?" John suggests.

"Dodgy?" Jess queries. "Now that's a new way to describe it."

"It's my own."

"Well you bloody well kept it a deep secret," Wendy interrupts.

"I had to," is John's simple answer.

"Who else knows?" Jess asks.

"The whole damn town by now, I should think," Steven replies. "Probably be in the papers tomorrow."

"No Steve, you're probably only a one day wonder," John says.

"Papers?" Mark asks in puzzlement.

"There's a piece about my Prize Day stunt," Steven tells him. "I'll show you later."

"Of course," Wendy cries. "That's who it was."

"Who was who?" Jess asks.

"The person Steven was talking to. I knew he was looking at someone when he said that about not being the only gay person in the school. I just couldn't work out who it was."

"Yes, I was the coward," John admits.

"Never a coward, not after yesterday," Steven defends him. The tenderness in his words brings a thrill of joy to John. He is not used to being loved so openly.

"What happened yesterday?" Wendy asks.

"I told my parents."

"How did it go?" Jess enquires anxiously.

"Pretty good. My mother's taking time to get used to it. Now it seems like I'm telling the whole world."

"What about Kevin?" Jess asks.

"Oh he knows," John assures her.

"Most definitely," Steven adds, grinning at the thought.

"How did he take it?" Wendy asks.

"Not well," John answers.

"He won't have been happy," Jess muses.

"I think he must have suspected," John says.

"Maybe not," Jess suggests. "He'd go out of his way not to. He can be a bit thick that way sometimes."

"Can we get some food. I'm starving," Steven complains.

"Me too." Mark pats his rumbling stomach.

They start walking towards the pizzeria, but Wendy's not finished with her questions. "Hang on! This is going way too fast! Do you mean you two having been carrying on all this time. Steven Carter! You let me drool over John and didn't say anything!" She blushes, embarrassed by the memory of what she'd said.

"That was before," Steven tells her.

"How did you get together," Mark asks.

"Well, we were in the..." Steven starts.

"It happened the night of the ball," John interrupts. He's scared that Steven might actually tell them how and where they met.

"But there was prehistory."

"Well let's leave it unrecorded," John pleads.

"Prehistory usually is." Steven leaves it there, not that he ever intended to tell them about the Incident in the Park. He's already starting to capitalise it in his mind, it has become a major event in his life.

"You went to the Ball with Christina," Jess says.

"And I was with Linda but that doesn't mean she's my girlfriend," Steven points out.

"Yeah but you didn't spend the whole night dancing with her," Jess retorts.

"It really happened after the ball." John gives Steven a 'do we really have to explain' look.

"But we're not going to give you the details," Steven states, much to John's relief.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Mark is hurt that Steven hadn't confided in him. "You used to tell me everything."

"Some things are hard to say. Just look how long you took to talk to Wendy."

"Yeah! What took you so long?" Wendy jokes.

"Nerves."

"Same here," John says. "Sometimes you're so scared that you can't even think of the words to say, even if you're brave enough to say them."

"It must have been a bitch," Jess says understandingly.

"It was. I came so close to fucking up everything." John can't believe how stupid he'd been.

"But you didn't! Shit! This is getting too damn serious," Wendy says. "Let's get some food."

"Great idea," Marks agrees.

"But I still want all the details," Jess complains.

"Later Jess, later," Steven tells her.

"It's going to be fun next term," Mark says.

"It is?" Steven asks.

"Yes! Now that you're out, those prats won't know how to deal with you."

"The worst of 'those prats' finished last term," John informs him.

"You're off to Oxford aren't you?" Wendy realises.

"Yes." John's answer makes Steven sad at the thought of the future.

"Lots of weekend visits, I suppose." Jess tries to cheer him up. "That's if your folks are okay."

"Mine are," Steven replies. "Dad's coming round and mum..."

"She was great," Jess tells John. "You should have seen Kevin and Dave's faces." John looks at her quizzically. "She told them to leave Steven alone or she'd have their balls for earrings."

"Wish my mum would do that," John says.

"She'll get used to it," Steven reassures him. "your dad'll look after that."

"She's going to have to. Well Steve?"

"Well what?"

"Are you going to visit me in Oxford?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"Your rooms. They'd better be in a good college."

"Merton?"

"Good enough."

"Just as long as you come back for Steve's birthday," Mark demands.

"I don't know when that is," John is surprised to realise. How could he not know his beloved's birthday?

"July 23," Mark tells him.

"I'll be there."

Jess is the first to notice they've finally reached the pizzeria, "Food!"

Hungrily they all troop inside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By 2pm lunch is over and the party has broken up. All the questions anyone can think to ask have been asked and most have been answered. Mark and Wendy go off to the pictures, Jessica goes home. Soon John and Steven are standing by the pool at John's home.

"That was a strange date, Johnny."

"Well it wasn't quite what I had in mind. But it was great after…"

"After the initial ordeal?"

"I thought the inquisition would never end."

"Well what can you expect. We're hot news."

"Not just hot news Steve."

"Whatever do you mean?"

"Come here." John reaches out for Steven's hand and raises it to his lips. He kisses the back of his hand, then turns it over and kisses the palm. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"For giving me the courage to accept myself."

"You're welcome. You know what I enjoyed the most today?"

"What?"

"Being with you and not caring what anybody thought. Why can't it always be like that?"

"It can now."

"What will we do next?" Steven asks. The smile in his eyes gives away his intentions.

John decides it's his turn to do the teasing for a change. "Do you want to swim, or...?"

"Or?"

"Oh I don't know," John pretends disinterest. "We could watch TV, do a jigsaw, play cards, make love?"

"I hate jigsaws, there's nothing on TV and I've hidden the cards."

"Only one choice then."

"Only one."

John holds out his arms and Steven steps forward into them. John holds him close and then kisses him. It begins as a sweet kiss of friendship but quickly burgeons into a torrent of love and desire. Their hearts pounding their kiss stops, mainly because they need to breathe.

"I love you Steven Carter."

"I love you John Dixon."

John takes Steven by the hand and leads him into the house. This will be their first loving since Prize Day. There is a lot of time to make up for.