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CHAPTER 2: One

I came late to sex, I was nearly ten. One day when my friend Mark Watkins and I were playing on some swings in a playground, he told me how babies were made. I didn't believe him at first so I asked if we was sure and he told me he was as he had seen it on one his dad's videos.

So for over a year after that I believed that babies were made when 2 women tied a man to a bed and covered his willy with ice-cream. During that year, I kind of went off eating ice-cream and in particular remember an event when my mother placed a bowl of my favourite flavoured ice-cream in front of me and placed a chocolate bar in it, when I hesitated in eating it. I ran off in a panic thinking that I didn't want to have a baby.

Fortunately at Secondary School we were given the real facts. In our science class our teacher showed us a video of the mating habits of hedgehogs. So, that was sex, I couldn't believe that I was such a pillock in believing what Mark had said to me.

It was all so simple really. Just find someone to do it with, somewhere to do it and… do it. Thing is when you're 16, it just isn't that simple. And as for falling in love, well, nothing prepares for you for that.

One afternoon after school (it was near the end of fourth form, or year 10 depending on what country you're in, for me) I was cycling home and decided to stop off at the park to take care of my raging hormones. I had discovered a couple of years ago the practice of 'cottaging', that is meeting like minded guys at public loo's for a bit of sex in the nearby woods and I developed the habit of stopping by the loo's in the park near my home a couple of time a week to well, take care of things. When I got there, I parked my bike at one of the benches outside the men's loo and sat down pretending to read, hoping someone would come out and pick me up, I wasn't always successful, but you never know. It can be dangerous of course, but I'd been pretty lucky so far and had never been bashed or picked up by the coppers.

After a couple of minutes this gorgeous guy come out and stops behind the bench and asks If I'm doing anything interesting. I reply that I'm not really, just reading Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare, which is really quite boring if you've ever had to read it for school. He then tells me that is speaks very highly of me and sits down next to me. He then asks if I'm doing my homework to which I reply that I'm trying to. "You might find it easier with the book turned the right way up," he tells me. God, he had noticed that in my haste and nervousness, that I didn't pay any attention to what I was really doing. I turn the book around and try to read on, but give up and put it away. I turn to him and ask him what he does. "I'm a writer," he replies flashing a smile at me. I then tell him that I've thought of writing but wasn't really sure about it and that I had entered a local competition where I had to write about what its like growing as we all approach the new millenium. He then asks me what it is like to which I tell him that he knows, it could be better and that's its hard for any sixteen year old, but when you also happen to be, well, you know. He then sighs and says he knows. I look away for a moment and turn back to him and tell him he's lovely to which he replies that I'm not so bad looking myself. We both smile at each other for a moment and by some unspoken signal we get up and head into the woods to take care of, well, you know, sex and that sort of thing.

An hour later, after having taken care of my rampant sex drive, I arrived home to find my friend and neighbour Linda, washing her brother's corvette yet again. She looks up and notices the big grin on my face and calls out, "Tart!". Jealous I retort and then tell her he's stunning and has eyes just like Brad Pitt. She calls me a tart again as I go on that's he's that he's witty and gorgeous. She then tacks on that he could be dangerous whereupon I remind her that I always play it safe. Linda then goes on saying what's safe about picking up men in public toilets and reminds me of a promise that I had once made to her not to do it that way any more. I answer her back that I don't, I was just sitting outside minding my own business whereupon she interrupts that that I should stop bull shitting her, that I know full well that if some randy git starts blagging to me outside a public bog, that he's only after one thing. I go on asking where else am I supposed to meet other blokes like me and that they guy I did it with today is not some randy old git, he's called Glen and he was after the same thing I was. I also mention that Glen and I were planning to meet again in the woods this Friday. Linda's voice goes up an octave as she goes how could I have done it in the woods anything could happen to me, but I don't give her a chance to finish as I interject that the worse that would probably happen is that I could be queer bashed by squirrels. But she goes on that Glen could have done anything to me or I could have been arrested, something I had totally forgotten about and didn't usually think of, and that's its so risky. With a grin I remind her that life's a risk just as her brother pops his head out of the front door and tells Linda that if she doesn't come in for tea right then, their mum will give it to the dog. With a bit of a puzzled look I tell Linda's brother that they don't have a dog, where he replies that they'll get one. I give Linda a grin and say to her that he'll never let her drive the corvette and she pokes her tongue out at me and goes back to washing the car. I then go and put my bike away in the garage and head inside, little realizing that my parents had been talking about me just moments before.

I walk in through the kitchen and say hi to my parents, my dad is sitting at the table working on one of his Dr Who models, a dalek this time, and mum is washing some dishes. I give mum a kiss on the cheek and then head to my room to drop off my coat and bag. I return to the kitchen and sit at the table where mum puts tea in front of me. As I'm sitting down my dad comments that I'm late again to which I reply that I was just doing some research for that article I'm writing for the newspaper competition. So then my dad asks if the special study groups that I'm 'supposed' to be in are proving useful to which I reply that they are. Mum then asks me how the article is going and I tell her that's its not too bad and I should make the deadline for it. Mum smiles and comments about deadlines and how professional it all sounds. Then to my surprise dad says something about me not meeting any deadlines sitting in the park. I interject with a comment as if I didn't quite hear him, although I did and am in a minor panic that I had been found out. Dad then says that the local gossip, Mrs Gillingham, saw me sitting in the park. Inwardly I breathe a sigh of relief, so the old gossip had only seen me before I had met up with Glen. I quickly think of an excuse in that I had a bit of writers block and went to the park to unblock, its sounds a bit silly when I think about it now, but he bought it. Dad then asks me if I am going to finish the article for the competition to which I tell him that of course I am. He then tells me that's if its just another of my fads, that I may as well use my study time for my schoolwork. I make some non-committal sound through a mouthful of food and finish my tea while dad comments about the quality of Dr Who models these days and about how much it has gone down. After tea, I watch some television with my parents and then head up to my room to do some more work on that article for the competition.