It's Only Love
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CHAPTER 4: A First Night OUT
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Author's Note: This chapter has been modified from it's original version (which was written MONTHS ago) due to a change in plot that I have decided on. I'm posting this (incomplete) chapter to whet the appetite, so to speak. I hope you enjoy! ~~Mike
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“Are you sure about this, Lins?” Steven asked, apprehensively.
“The drama queen suddenly shy?” Linda asked, a humored look on her face.
“It just seems so . . . tacky . . .” Steven remarked, an uncertain look on his face.
“This from someone who picks up men in toilets! C’mon, it’ll be fun!” With those playful words, Linda grabbed Steven’s arm and dragged him into the club.
The two had driven for about forty-five minutes from Basingstoke northeast to London, where Linda proposed they have a night on the town. Blitzing some of the trendier stores, she bought Steven a flashy new outfit, fit for the occasion. “If you’re going to be a queen, you need to dress like one,” she had said.
So Steven, sporting his new outfit, and looking as handsome as ever, found himself dumbfounded in front of his first gay club.
Garish neon lights flashed the words "The Pink Triangle”, over a doorway through which loud music and the occasional flashing light escaped into the peaceful summer evening.
Entering the dark room, filled with men of all ages dancing a Friday night away, was a bit overwhelming. Scores of men danced wildly to the music, some of them on a raised platform that seemed to be a converted stage. A bar was over at the far left, towards which patrons seemed to flock. The bartender wore a bright red sleeveless shirt, tight fitting to reveal the form of a body that had seen many long hours in the gym. In his left ear was a single studded earring, flashing in what light there was. One would describe the man as almost burly, until they had heard the high pitched, almost effeminate voice that almost squeaked out orders to the anxious patrons.
Something about the scene caught Steven off guard. When he spied two attractive young men making out in the corner, he figured it out. Steven had never been in the presence of so many gay men! And the experience was mixed. On the one hand, these were people that shared something in common with Steven that he wasn’t used to sharing, that of course being their sexuality. But on the other hand, that was sort of the problem. The place reeked of sex. From the writhing bodies, scantily clad in the middle of the dance floor to the sleazy old men lining the walls, looking for their next trick, the place seemed to exude an air of lust. This atmosphere was not dissipated by the reaction of those nearby, as it seemed by the turning heads with their propositioning eyes that the entire room noticed the new, attractive young man who entered the crowd.
Linda wrapped her arm about Steven’s, clutching it tightly, as if to say that she wasn’t exactly sure how great of an idea it was to bring Steven here. Steven smiled at her.
“Maybe with a drink we can loosen up a bit,” Steven shouted over the din. As Linda nodded, and motioned towards the bar, Steven thought that a drink or two would certainly put him in a much more enjoyable state of mind.
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An hour and a half, and a few drinks later, Steven found that he was definitely enjoying himself.
After overcoming his initial shyness, Steven’s inhibitions lowered enough to allow him to venture out on the dance floor, the protective Linda in tow. Soon dancing in sync with the rhythm, Steven found he was able to lose himself in the music. Perhaps it was the mix of alcohol and exhilaration, or maybe it was just the carefree feeling spilling over from the afternoon drama, but Steven even found himself meeting some of the admiring gazes with one of his own, particularly when those gazes came attached to a suitably handsome face.
“Maybe I bought you one too many drinks,” Linda muttered, as she noticed one particularly obvious gaze between Steven and a would-be suitor.
“What?” Steven shouted, straining to hear the words that left Linda’s moving lips.
“I said, did you have too much to drink?” Linda repeated, her voice raised just loud enough for her handsome friend to hear.
“No, I’m ok,” Steven replied, “Just reasonably ‘happy’.”
“Well, I did,” Linda remarked, “I need to find the loo. You’ll be ok?”
As Steven nodded, Linda began to make her way through the crowd, finally forcing her way past a particularly oblivious dancer, almost shoving the poor lad out of her way as she embarked on her search for a restroom. Steven chuckled to himself as he watched his friend disappearing into the crowd. “Ah, Lins . . . as subtle as a sledge-hammer,” he muttered.
With that, Steven resumed dancing exuberantly, letting all of his thoughts and cares melt away under the heat of the music and the lights of the dance floor.
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“Come to bed, dear,” Graham said, as he eyed his wife nervously watching the clock.
“I’m just . . . worried about him,” Sarah confided. “Are you sure it was a good idea to let him stay out so late tonight?”
“After this afternoon’s events . . .” Graham shook his head. “Linda said she’d take care of him. She seems to have been doing that for quite some time now.”
Sarah nodded in agreement. “He’s lucky to have had such a friend through all of this . . . someone to confide in.” Sarah sighed. “I just wish . . .” she trailed off.
“That it could have been us?” Graham offered, realizing what it was that was bothering his lovely wife. He walked over to her, cradling her head in his arms as he stood behind her chair.
As Sarah reluctantly nodded, Graham continued. “Sarah, did you really expect Steven to come running to you to tell you about his sex life? I remember when I was his age . . . a lanky young lad not unlike our Steven . . .” He chuckled at that thought, as he rubbed his hands over his now fully developed gut. “My mother would have been the last person I’d come to about sex.”
Sarah sighed. “It’s not just sex that we’re talking about here. He’s in love, Graham. In love, and not able to share that with us.”
Her husband nodded. “I remember this beautiful young lady that swept me off my feet,” Graham reminisced. “The way her eyes lit up when she saw me, the way her hair seemed to catch the sunlight . . .” With that comment, Raymond stroked his love’s hair, just as full and beautiful as the day he had met her.
Sarah gazed up into her husband’s adoring eyes, as Graham continued. “My point is, I didn’t tell my mother about you until months after we started dating.”
A startled expression crept onto Sarah’s face. “Were you ashamed of me?” she asked, in a worried tone.
Graham chuckled. “On the contrary! I was so proud of you that I was afraid to tell my mother about you, for fear that I might jinx it.” He smiled, a bit amused at the preposterous suggestion. Looking at her beautiful face, he knew he would never be ashamed of his wonderful wife. “Besides, she was my mother!” he continued. “At that age, no teenager is going to tell his mother about the girls he’s in love with . . . or the boys for that matter.” Those last words came out with more difficulty, as Graham struggled to accept the reality of the situation.
“Then there’s that,” Sarah remarked, as Graham nodded in agreement, knowing that it must have been ten times harder in Steven’s case due to the fact that the girl he was in love with was actually a boy. It was certainly at least that much harder for Graham to accept it himself.
“It’s going to take me a while to get used to this, Sarah,” Graham confessed. “I’m trying my best to be supportive and understanding, but I just can’t see myself seeing this as . . . natural.”
Sarah pulled back and looked her husband straight in the eye. “I think you’re not giving yourself enough credit, Graham.”
Startled, and a bit confused, Graham asked, “What do you mean?”
“Graham,” Sarah continued carefully. “You just spent the past five minutes comparing Steven’s feelings for John with your love for me.”
Taken aback, Graham started to protest, but then realized that he could do nothing but agree.
“I guess you’re right,” he said, startled with his own reaction. “I guess it IS only love . . .”
With those words, Graham wrapped his arms around his wife, and the two of them made their way back towards their bedroom.
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The music seemed to take on a life of its own. Steven, his head a bit murky due to his last drink, moved comfortably with the music, allowing himself to completely let the music take over. Dancing wildly, Steven lost any inhibition he otherwise would have had.
As he danced, the events of the day seemed to swim through his mind. John, shaking his head as Steven tried to coax him into joining him during the prize day speech. Then it was John, standing over him a split second before he had . . . kicked him. The image distorted into that of his love, standing in the rain, pleading for Steven to give him one more chance. The bitterness that Steven felt, amplified by the alcohol, nearly floored him.
“One more chance, Johnny?” Steven muttered to himself. “Is this how you prove your love?’
Thoughts began to fade in and out, as Steven remembered the beautiful times that they had shared. The weekend they spent together at John’s house, melting into the night they first made love, shifted again to the moment they shared outside the public toilet. This image shifted again to the last time Steven saw John, sitting on the bench by the track, as Steven walked away from the man he loved so dearly.
A tear began to well in Steven’s eye. They had shared some great times together. Would it be the last?
The music seemed to run in slow motion, as Steven’s mind ran over every moment he had spent with John. Oblivious of the crowd around him, Steven imagined that he was dancing with John, and a delirious smile crept onto his face.
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