Making It Right
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CHAPTER 5:
LINDA is cutting a middle-aged MAN’s hair in the salon, whilst quietly singing to herself.
MAN: You know, you have a lovely voice.
LINDA: [Sceptically] Oh?
MAN: Yeah, you sound just like an angel.
LINDA: [Scoffing] Oh please!
MAN: [Laughing] I’m serious.
LINDA smiles at him in the mirror, and they begin to engage in a fairly intense look with one another.
MAN: You know, you have lovely eyes.
LINDA blushes a little, and looks down to carry on cutting his hair.
MAN: You don’t need to be scared of me.
LINDA: I’m not scared of you. I’m just not used to being hit on.
MAN: You should be.
LINDA: Hah! Yeah right.
MAN: I would love to take you for a drink some time.
LINDA: Oh really.
MAN: Yeah, you seem different to other women.
LINDA: I am. I have an arse big enough for other women to sleep in.
MAN: [Smirking] Just them, or can other people?
LINDA: [Seemingly shocked] Excuse me?
MAN: Oh nothing, I was just in a fantasy world.
LINDA: [Now seems worried] That’s nice.
MAN: Tell me, have you ever had a threesome?
LINDA stops cutting his hair, and looks at him in the mirror with an annoyed look on her face.
MAN: It’s just that you’d be great with me and Shirley.
LINDA: Look mister, I’m three seconds away from giving you a bald patch.
MAN: [Looks hopeful] Will it hurt?
LINDA: Right, that’s it!
LINDA pulls the chair back, pulls off the apron and starts pushing the MAN out of the chair.
LINDA: Get out of here, you perverted freak.
MAN: Are you sure you don’t want to…
LINDA: [Shouting] Yes, I’m sure!
MAN: [Looks deflated] Oh, OK.
The MAN leaves the salon with his hair half-cut, with LINDA glowering at him until he is out of sight.
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LINDA is lying on STEVEN’s bed, with JOHN and STEVEN on either side.
LINDA: I mean, how do I attract these…[sourly] men?
STEVEN: Linds, I think you’re just unlucky.
LINDA: Too fucking right I’m unlucky. I need a real man.
JOHN: Well why don’t you come along tonight?
LINDA: Where?
JOHN: Pete, from my athletics team. He’s having a party. We’re going.
LINDA: What, you’re finally gonna start showing this boy [gestures towards STEVEN] off to the world?
JOHN: Yep.
STEVEN: [To LINDA] He’s shitting himself.
JOHN: Yeah well, so are you.
STEVEN: Oh Linds, please come. It would be really great to have someone else there.
JOHN: And you never know, you might meet someone. They’ll be loads of ‘real men’ there.
LINDA: [Laughing] What, like you? [Sulkily] Anyway, as if any rippling adonis is gonna look at me, unless he likes ‘cuddly’ girls that is.
JOHN: Well, I dunno. I know two guys who are dating people much, er, bigger than you, and one who is sleeping with his mum’s best friend, so don’t rule them all out yet.
LINDA: Hmmm, well alright. But if it’s as shit as that school ball of yours then I’m off.
JOHN: It should be OK, as long as you avoid Kevin.
LINDA: Oh that prick’s not gonna be there is he?
STEVEN: Unfortunately.
JOHN: I haven’t seen him since…you know.
LINDA: Good for you.
JOHN: Hey, he was a mate. [Seems to remember things] Even though he was a prick.
LINDA: Is a prick, sweetheart. Is.
JOHN: Whatever.
STEVEN: So, you’re coming?
LINDA: Yeah.
STEVEN: Cheers Linds.
LINDA: I suppose I had better go and get tarted up.
JOHN: Yeah, me too.
LINDA: Jesus honey, it’s one thing to be openly gay, but there’s no need for lipstick.
JOHN: I didn’t mean…
STEVEN: John, ignore her. I always do.
LINDA: Hey!
STEVEN: John, did you hear something?
JOHN: No, can’t say that I did.
LINDA: If you two carry on like this then I won’t…
STEVEN: [Laughing] Sorry. Just having a laugh.
LINDA: Yeah well, watch yourself. I’ve had a bad day.
STEVEN: I know.
LINDA sits up, and starts to climb over JOHN to get at the door. She squeezes his chest as she goes, smiling at STEVEN as she does so.
LINDA: I think I might just try and keep this one for myself.
STEVEN: You’ll have to fight me first.
JOHN: Yeah, and me.
LINDA: Charming!
JOHN: Oh sorry, I didn’t mean…not like that.
LINDA smiles sweetly at them both, and then leaves. STEVEN moves closer to JOHN, and puts his arm over his chest.
JOHN: Steve, we need to get ready.
STEVEN: Oh please, just five more minutes?
JOHN: Oh, OK.
JOHN moves his arm round STEVEN, and they both close their eyes.
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PETE opens his front door, to reveal JOHN standing there, with STEVEN and LINDA seeming to try and hide behind him.
PETE: Dixon! Jeez, we thought we’d never see you again.
JOHN: Sorry Jeppers mate. Been busy.
PETE: Well, come on in. Bring your mates.
PETE turns and heads back down his hall, with JOHN following. Before STEVEN and LINDA go in, she turns to him.
LINDA: Jeppers?
STEVEN: Peter Jepp.
LINDA: Oh.
LINDA and STEVEN catch up with JOHN, and they go into the lounge. The room is filled with young men, most of them 18 or more, several of whom are with their girlfriends. There is a very ‘laddish’ atmosphere, with lots of cans of beer and bitter being drunk, britpop music being played and at least one conversation about whether Julia Roberts ‘would’.
LINDA: [Quietly] I’m not sure this is really the place for us Steve.
STEVEN: I know, but I’ve got to stay. For John.
LINDA: Well I don’t.
STEVEN: Oh please Linds, give it some time. For me?
LINDA: OK, but I need a drink.
STEVEN and LINDA start heading for the kitchen, but JOHN stops them and gestures for them to come and talk to some people he is with.
JOHN: Steve, I want you to meet Mitch.
STEVEN: [A little nervously] Hi Mitch.
MITCH: Hi. This is my girlfriend Mandy…
MANDY: Hi.
MITCH: …and my cousin Digs.
DIGS: Alright mate.
JOHN: Mitch was head boy before me.
STEVEN: I thought I knew your face.
MITCH: Yeah, I recognise you. You were one of Granger’s favourite punchbags, weren’t you?
STEVEN: Probably still am.
MITCH: Speaking of which, where is the prick?
JOHN: I dunno. I haven’t seen him for a while.
MITCH: Oh?
JOHN: Yeah, he’s avoiding me. At least, I think he is.
MITCH: Granger’s avoiding you? The Boss? Jesus, he used to follow you around like a bad smell.
LINDA: Yeah well, I bought John some odour eaters. Hi, I’m Linda. I’m the fat one you’re all ignoring.
STEVEN: Sorry Linds, I…
LINDA: Whatever. I live next door to Steven.
MITCH: Hi.
MANDY: Hi.
DIGS: Hi Linda.
LINDA: Good, now that we’ve got that sorted, we were saying what a dick Kevin Granger is.
MITCH: Er, yeah.
LINDA: I take it you don’t like him then?
MITCH: Well, I guess I just don’t get him, if you know what I mean.
LINDA: I’m not sure I do, but hey.
MANDY: He used to hit on me.
LINDA: What did he say you were?
MANDY: Sorry?
LINDA: Well, when he couldn’t get a shag from anyone else, I became ‘cuddly’. What line did he use with you?
MANDY: [Laughing] Oh! I was, now what was it, er, sophisticated. I think I was necking a can of John Smith’s when he said it. I coughed the lot over him.
LINDA and MANDY laugh, and give each other a ‘high five’. The others watch with interest, and then DIGS turns to LINDA.
DIGS: So, Linda. I don’t think I’ve seen your face before.
LINDA: I didn’t go to Belvedere.
DIGS: Oh right. Well, it’s lucky John started hanging the wrong way, otherwise we might never have met you.
LINDA blushes.
DIGS: Do you fancy a drink?
LINDA: Sure.
DIGS takes LINDA by the hand and starts leading her towards the kitchen, but she turns her head and smiles at STEVEN as she disappears. Once they are gone, everyone turns back to the conversation.
MANDY: John, I can’t believe what I’ve been hearing about you. ‘John Fucking Superman Dixon wants to fuck Superman.’ How did this happen?
JOHN: Well…
STEVEN: It was my fault. I seduced him.
MANDY: [Laughing] Well, congratulations. We all thought that snooty Lindmann had him for good.
MITCH: Hey, Chrissie wasn’t snooty. She was…sophisticated.
MANDY: Hah! You would say that. No, John, seriously. How did she take being dumped? The great Christina Lindmann being dropped like a shit over a cliff.
MITCH: Christ Manders, how much have you had?
JOHN: [Laughing] I think she saw it coming. I’d hardly spoken to her since me and Steve, well, you know.
STEVEN: Plus I’d been sending her hate mail.
JOHN: What?!
MANDY: Oh John, don’t be so gullible.
There is a loud laugh from the kitchen, and they turn to see LINDA with her arms round DIGS, obviously flirting.
JOHN: Steve, I think Linda might just get herself a real man.
STEVEN: Thank God!
MITCH: Anyway, I hear you’re not at home anymore John.
JOHN: No, well, my Dad thinks I’m the devil. Hitting him didn’t help.
MITCH: Oh. Bummer.
JOHN: Actually, I’d love to forget about that bastard. Just for tonight.
MITCH: Fair enough. [Noticing someone] Oh shit, there’s Debbie. I better hide.
MANDY: Mitchy, do you want me to sort her out for good?
MITCH: No! Shit, she’s coming over.
DEBBIE approaches the group.
DEBBIE: Mitch! [Hugs MITCH, and then turns to MANDY with a look of disinterest on her face] Mandy.
MANDY: Debbie.
DEBBIE: [Noticing JOHN] Oh, and Superman himself.
JOHN: Hey Debbie.
DEBBIE: [Turns to STEVEN] Then I presume you must be Steven Carter. Wow, a celebrity.
STEVEN: What?
DEBBIE: I regard anyone who manages to piss off Alcock so resoundingly as a celebrity.
STEVEN: Oh. I didn’t realise I’d pissed him off.
DEBBIE: Well, you did. My mother is in the know about these things. I think there’s a lot of people at Belvedere who want to shake your hand.
STEVEN: I think there’s quite a few who want to punch me in the stomach too.
DEBBIE: True, true. [Seems to suddenly get bored, and turns back to MITCH] Well, I must go and say hello to some others. See you all later.
DEBBIE walks off, and starts a replica performance with another group of people.
MITCH: Jesus, she is so up herself.
STEVEN: Who is she?
JOHN: She was the social queen in our year. Everyone hated her.
STEVEN: So why was she the social queen?
JOHN: I really don’t know.
MITCH: Oh, here comes trouble.
They all turn and look as KEVIN and DAVE come into the room, both carrying large quantities of beer in off-licence bags. They arrogantly walk through towards the kitchen, and then notice JOHN, at which point their attitude changes.
KEVIN: Oh, hey Boss.
JOHN: Kevin.
DAVE: Er, how you been Boss?
JOHN: Fine. You both remember Steven?
KEVIN and DAVE both seem really awkward.
KEVIN: Yeah. Er, hey Carter.
STEVEN nods, and then KEVIN and DAVE quickly turn and head for the kitchen.
MITCH: Blimey John, I think you’ve really fucked them off.
JOHN: Yeah, so do I.
MANDY: [Looking thoughtful] You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if they fuck each other.
MITCH: What?
MANDY: Well, you know. The only people who ever have problems with gays are closeted poofs. Or so I read.
MITCH: Kevin and Dave? You’ve gotta be kidding.
MANDY: Look, that’s what we would have said about this one [gestures at JOHN] until a few weeks ago.
MITCH: Yeah, but…
MANDY: Nope, my mind is made up. They’re definitely residents of Bournville Boulevard.
STEVEN: [Laughing] Bournville Boulevard? That’s a new one.
MANDY: I have many more. Now, I need a drink.
MANDY walks off towards the kitchen.
JOHN: Mitch, you wanna watch that one.
MITCH: I know.
STEVEN: I like her.
JOHN: Everyone does.
MITCH: Look, I’ve been keeping you guys for ages. Let’s go and, now what would Debbie say, ‘circulate’.
JOHN: OK.
JOHN turns to STEVEN and winks, and they exchange a warm smile, before following MITCH away towards some other people.
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It is much later on at the party, and the music has changed to soppy ballads. The main area of the living room is taken up by several couples slowly dancing, with everyone else slumped in chairs and on the floor, most of them very drunk and some asleep. LINDA is dancing with DIGS, regularly kissing him, whilst STEVEN is sitting on a chair, looking a bit uncomfortable. Then JOHN comes back into the room, still doing up his belt after going to the toilet. He stops and looks at the scene, and then goes over to STEVEN. He offers his hand out to him.
STEVEN: Er, are you sure?
JOHN: Yeah, I’m sure.
STEVEN takes JOHN’s hand and stands up, and they move into the middle of the room and wrap in a warm embrace, slowly moving with the music. After a little while, they look into each other’s eyes, and then start kissing.
KEVIN comes into the room from the kitchen, and upon seeing JOHN and STEVEN he stops dead. He stands and stares, and then hesitantly keeps going into the living room. He slumps down in a gap against a wall, and, like everyone else who is awake, continues to watch JOHN and STEVEN together. After a while, a slight smile begins to form on his face.
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