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CHAPTER 1: Second Thoughts

Steven reached to turn down the music as Linda casually drove through Basingstokes.
“Linds. Do you think I did the right thing?”
“Of course Steve. Wait a minute, you’re not having second thoughts about that sorry bastard are you?” Linda said as her gaze landed on Steven. His heart raced as the pictured John smiling. His thoughts drifted further as he recalled looking up at John’s eyes. Fear masking the love that was once enveloped his eyes moments before he was thrust into the locker. He winced as he recalled John’s foot striking his side. A tear streaked down his face as he remembered the night at John’s house. The world was gone. It was just Steven and John, eyes caressing each other and love seeping into the air. Nothing had ever felt more right.
“Steve babe, your cracking up.” Linda broke the silence. Steven’s face lit up with a smile remembering the last time she spoke those words. The image of Linda dramatically fainting spun in his mind. He could barely hold back the laughter.
“Don’t be melodramatic,” Steven said as they both erupted with laughter. “Linds stop!” Steven had spotted Wendy, Mark, and Jessica walking thought the park. Linda came to a stop and said her good-byes as Steven rushed to meet them.
“Steven!” Jessica yelled as she jumped into his arms.
“Jess, please,” Steven complained as Jessica released his thin body. Wendy released Mark’s hand long enough to hug Steven and then it feel back to her side and quickly gripped it again. Mark remained silent. Steven felt as if he were falling. He was so scared and nervous. Steven noticed Wendy squeeze Mark’s hand tight.
“Hi Steven…. Look… Steve… why didn’t you just tell me? I would have understood.” Anger was growing in his voice. Steven didn’t sense the anger as much as he sensed the pain and desperation.
“Mark… I liked our friendship the way it was. I was afraid that you know would change that.” Steven confessed.
“Yeah, well it would have!” Mark’s barrier that he had placed before Steven and his rage broke.
“Mark!” Wendy spat back in Steven’s defense. He saw hurt in Mark’s eyes and it almost killed Steven inside. He never thought that he felt so strongly for Mark. He was more than a friend to Steven… he was a best friend. Tears swelled in Mark’s eyes and he began to cry. People in the park stared with audacity as they passed.
“Look… Steve I’m sorry. I just didn’t know what to think. You’ve been my friend forever. To see that you have been hiding yourself from me… it felt like you didn’t trust me.
“Mark… You’ve always been my best friend. You always will, and more than anything… I trust you.” Steven said as they both burst into tears. They pulled in to each other for a quick hug.
“Hey! You’re not stealing him away from me Steven Carter!” Wendy said as they all laughed. Quickly after talk between went back to normal… well… almost normal.
“I am going to miss you so much!” Wendy hugged Jessica.
“What do you mean? You see her more than you see me!” Mark joked but Jessica and Wendy didn’t laugh.
“Um…” Jessica stammered, “My parents and I… are moving.” Steven felt something inside drop.
“Where are you moving to and when?” Steven pleaded for an answer.
“We are moving to America… in a few weeks.” Jessica said back. She wanted to tell them so much but she just didn’t want them to be said. They discussed the matter for quite a while and the sun started to set. They decided it was time to leave and Steven started home alone with thoughts of John lingering in his mind.


‘And I knew… I really knew… I’ve never loved anyone so much,’ were the lines running through Steven’s mind as he walked home. It was only a short walk but he walked slowly so he could think to himself. Images of John flashed through his mind. He smiled to himself as he saw what was left of the beautiful sunset. ‘I never meant to hurt you’ he though to himself. “I love you,” he whispered into the wind. “I love you, John Dixon,” he said louder as he fought back the tears. He slowed to a stop and began crying harder. He backed into the wall of a building and began sliding down it. Tears flowing from his beautiful eyes.
“There he is! GET HIM!” yelled a voice from behind him that he recognized immediately as Kevin. He got up to run but as he turned Dave was blocking his path. Fear ran through Steven’s mind. Before he could think of anything else something hard stuck him in the back of his head. The pain took him to his knees. Powerful legs kicked his thin body. He cried out in pain as blood ran from his mouth and nose. One of his attackers backed off at his cries. A hard blow landed on his head and his head began to feel light and dizzy. Another kick landed on his side. He grew very sleepy and darkness started to fill his eyes. But even in that darkness he was able to look up and see the face of John Dixon.