Our Life
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CHAPTER 1: Realisation of love and wrong doings
The story starts off on Prize Day a few hours after Steven breaks up with John.
John looked up from the bench over looking the athletic field. Over and over in his mind he kept seeing Steven walking away. Each time becoming ever more painful to see. It was beginning to get dark and he had now way to get home. Then suddenly the headmaster walked up behind him.
"John, what are you still doing here?"
"Just thinking sir, that's all," responded John.
"It looks to me that it is more than that, if I may be blunt,? " asked the headmaster.
"Always sir," answered John.
"You look like you have been repeatedly hit by a cricket bat," observed Mr. Alcock
John didn't respond when the headmaster made his statement, but just stared off into the distance.
"Would you like to talk about it," asked Alcock.
"It is a long story, and you probably don't have the time," replied John.
"I don't have to be home for a while now, would you like to go inside?"
"You won't understand," John answered trying to dodge the headmaster.
"Might it to some good just to get it out in the open even though I may not understand it but it might help, is this about what happened today with the Carter boy?" asked Alcock.
"Okay, and yes," replied John sadly.
"You see I knew about Car.. Steven's 'preference', I found out some months ago, he and I are mates," John stated.
"I take it, this is beyond just being 'mates'," replies the headmaster.
"How do you know that?" responded John.
"It is written all over your face."
"I love him sir, I feel so bad for what I did today, so terrible."
"What happened?"
"We were in the locker room when Kevin and Dave walked in and saw me and Steven in a somewhat compromising situation, to be exact we were about to kiss,. . . . I got scared and shoved him to the ground and kicked him," John said with tears running down his cheeks.
The headmaster put his arm around him trying to comfort John.
"Son, if you truly love this boy, which I know in your heart you do, things will heal in time, but I suggest that you find him and apologize, because that is the only way things will heal between you two," suggested the headmaster.
"Sir, I hit him, he could never forgive me for that, I did the most unforgivable act that anyone person can do to someone they love," cried John.
"I don't know if Steven will understand why you did what you did, but when he sees that you truly love him, love will prevail and things will be fine," the headmaster said with such soothing words.
"Thank you sir, if you hadn't shown up here, I probably would have stayed here all night thinking and crying," thanked John.
"Your welcome, do you have a ride home?"
"I was planning on walking."
I won't have it, lets go to my car and we can talk more if you like about this or anything other subject if you wish," ordered Alcock.
"Thank you sir."
As they got into the headmaster's Austin Mini and drove off.
"So John, how do I get to your place," asked the Headmaster.
"Turn here onto Pine St. you cannot miss it, at the top of the hill."
"This may seem like a personal question but have you told your parents how you feel?"
"No sir, I cannot bring it up in conversation."
"I could talk to them if you like."
Thank you sir, but no, that might do more damage than good."
" I see, well the offer stands as long as you like it."
Sir, may I ask a question?"
"You just did, but what's on your mind."
"Why are you so "nice" about this thing with me and Steven, earlier you seemed so upset about what happened with the speech?"
"I realised later this evening that no matter who that boy likes it comes down to love and no matter how hard one tries we cannot break such a powerful force."
"Thank you sir that is just what I needed."
"Anytime John."
As they pulled into John's driveway, they said their goodbyes and left each other in the dark of night.
As John got into his house, he could see his father's light on in the study.
"John, is that you?"
"Yes father."
"Can you come here for a minute?"
"Yes sir."
"I would like to know why you lied about the Carter boy."
"Dad, can we talk about this in the morning, I promise I'll tell you in the morning."
Raymond Dixon could see that his son was deeply troubled about the subject and after a moment of reflection agreed to reconvene the conversation in the morning.
"Good night Dad."
"Good night John."
As John walked up the stairs to his bedroom his mother was in the library reading, she looked up from her book and smiled, as if she knew what was going on in her son's life.
As John lay on his bed, he can't stop thinking about Steven, how his lips feel pressed against his, how his hair feels pressed against his chest.
Thinking about these things makes John falls asleep.
* * * *
As John is waking up, still in a sleepy daze he hears his father walking around downstairs, seems to be pacing. Probably anxious for John to get down and talk, John thinks. He stares at the ceiling for a while again thinking about Steven. He then realizes he can no longer delay this meeting any longer and gets out of bed, he sees his watch it shows ten-thirty. John cannot remember the last time his father stayed till this late in the morning before going to work.
"Good morning Dad," said John.
"Good morning John."
"So I won't delay this any further, why did you lie about the Carter boy?"
"I lied because I was afraid of this, this inquisition," replied John.
"What inquisition, it is a simple question," questioned John's father.
"Yesterday, when you asked me if I knew Steven Carter, the correct response would have been all to well, but it kind of caught me off guard," answered John.
"What does that mean "all to well"," asked Raymond.
"Can you be calm when I tell you this or should I ask that we go outside so the yelling cannot echo throughout the house and mother can hear it?" asked John.
Raymond Dixon looks at his son with a quizzical look.
"Perhaps it is best that we go outside."
They step out onto the terrace and John sits.
"Dad, I. . . . I'm gay."
"Would you stop lying and tell me the truth?"
"Seriously, Dad, I am gay."
"Let me guess now you are going to tell me that you and the Carter boy were lovers," barely getting the words out Raymond asks.
"Yes, we were."
"You're serious aren't you?"
"Yes, I am."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner, or at least don't lie about your relationship with . . . what did you say his name was Steven?"
"Yes, Steven."
"You didn't have to tell the whole truth, but just say you were, are, mates."
"It caught me off guard, I didn't know how to respond."
"You shouldn't have to be on your guard around me, though."
"I know, with all that's been going in the news, I just didn't know how you would react."
"I understand that, it will take sometime for this to absorb, but from now on, don't lie and feel free to tell things but leave out the gory details, okay," retorted John's father.
"How are things with you and Steven right now?"
"Not good, yesterday I did something very terrible," cried John.
"Does it have to do with the cut on his forehead?" asked Raymond, already he knew the answer.
"Yes, it does. We were in the locker room talking when Kevin and Dave walked in and caught us about to . . . kiss and, I then overreacted and threw Steven to the ground and kicked him where his head hit the locker."
"Why John?"
"I didn't anyone to find out I was gay."
"Well now I know and we will have to tell your mother, and as long as we stand by you, which we always will, that's all that matters."
"But Steven matters."
"Steven matters too."
"What should I do?"
"How do you feel about going for a drive?"
"I don't want to go anywhere!"
"That wasn't a suggestion, I am telling you we are going for a drive," ordered Raymond.
"Where?"
"You'll see."
They got up from their seats and went inside to grab a few things before they left.
As soon as they pulled up to the street, John realised where his father was taking him.
"I don't think he is ready to see me just yet."
"Well, you'll just have to ask him won't you."
"Please don't make me do this," pleaded John.
"You will have to do it sooner or later, better sooner well the air is still fresh."
The car pulled up to Steven's house, where Linda saw who was getting out.
"John! What the hell are you doing here, going to give him another bruising?"
"I need to see Steven, is he home?"
"Not for you to see."
"Please, let me see him."
"STEVEN!" Linda yells.
Just after Linda screams for Steven, he bolts out the door, only to see John. Linda has taken off inside to her house.
"What are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you."
"Well I don't want to talk to you."
"I don't believe that, not after what we have experienced together," begged John.
"Yeah, me being beaten by the man I love and then getting up in front an auditorium full of people and outing myself."
"I deserve that."
"Yes you do and a whole lot more like it."
"Can we stop with the sarcasm and talk about what has happened?"
"What sarcasm, I am just telling you how I feel."
"I love you."
"You certainly know how to show it."
"I got scared."
"Yeah, and you took it out on me."
"I am sorry and I want you so much to believe that."
"Get down on your knees and beg for my forgiveness."
As soon as Steven said that John was down on his knees faster than a speeding bullet.
"I am really sorry, can you ever in your heart forgive me."
Steven laughs, "Well, I didn't expect you do that and I thought you would let me play you this long, but I forgave you yesterday."
"You Bitch!"
"Hey, I cannot help it if you're so gullible."
"When around you, I melt."
John gets up from his knees and kisses Steven passionately on the lips.
"Dad, you remember Steven Carter," asked John.
"Hello again Steven, John is everything all right here?"
"Yes Dad."
Then Raymond Dixon pulled away in the car leaving Steven and John to be alone.
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