The Week After
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CHAPTER 1: Part 1
Steven stared at the ceiling of his bedroom, contemplating every tiny crack over and over again. He kept thinking to himself, ‘I’m free. I can’t believe that I’m finally free. But at what cost?"
It was a week after Prize Day. Steven decided to get up, get dressed, and go for a walk. He wasn’t afraid any longer. He could walk down the street and finally be comfortable living in his skin. But, he was filled with an ache that could be satisfied only by love. A longing that would never be satisfied again. He’d told the world about himself. And Johnny had been so scared, he knew that their relationship was over. Forever.
"Don’t be such a pillock," Steven mumbled to himself as he strolled down the pavement. "Dwelling on it won’t help anything. It’ll just serve to make you more miserable."
"Couldn’t agree with you more," a familiar voice said, sounding shaky and unsure.
Steven turned and saw John walking behind him. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Steven panicked and started to run towards the park. He heard John behind him, shouting out his name.
"Steven, please wait! I have to talk to you!"
The desperation in John’s voice only made Steven run faster. He felt wretched as he ran away from his one chance at happiness. John was shocked to see that he wasn’t winning this race. He was falling behind as Steven kept running. Finally, they reached the park and Steven plunged headlong into the woods. John summoned all of his strength and caught up with Steven. He grabbed the younger boy’s arm and pulled him forcefully to his chest. Worn out with the chase, they both collapsed onto the grass, still in each other’s arms.
"Why didn’t you wait for me?" John said, raw hurt in his voice.
"Johnny, it’s over! You understand what I did last week. Everyone knows about me and now they’ll know about you if you’re not careful!"
John ran his hands through Steven’s hair. He pulled his lover deeper into his embrace and kissed him with all of the passion that he felt.
"Damn the lot of them. I love you, Steven Carter. I will always love you. I couldn’t care less who knew about me as long as I was with you!"
John started crying, spotting Steven’s white shirt with the marks of his tears. His hands trembled as he ran them up and down Steven’s back.
"You are the most beautiful, brave person I’ve ever met. I don’t deserve you at all, but I have to try to make you see that I’ll do anything to have you in my life. I have to tell the truth about us. I can’t live without you! All I see is you, everywhere I go. And I feel heartsick because I know that unless I start being true to us, that I’ll never get you back," John said as he sobbed.
Steven wiped the tears from John’s cheeks. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He thought that it was over. That John would keep denying the love they shared. That he’d never be happy again. He looked deep into John’s eyes and began to speak.
"Johnny, I’ve told you before that I can’t go on the way it’s been. Before you say anything, please let me have my say. If you are willing to tell people about us and be proud of us, then I will come back to you. How could I stay away? Even after you hurt me, I knew that you still cared. I could feel it when I said goodbye to you on the sports field. You wanted to come after me, but your fear and confusion kept you from it. Now you have to conquer your fears and let the truth set you free."
Steven released his hold on John. He stood up and brushed the grass and leaves from his trousers. John looked up at him imploringly, his hand reaching out to capture Steven’s.
"Until you prove yourself, Johnny," Steven said with obvious difficulty, "I’m afraid that I can’t see or speak to you. I can’t put myself through that kind of torture again. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it must be."
Steven pulled his hand from John’s grasp and turned to walk away. He looked back to see John staring at him with such blazing love in his eyes that it shocked him. "I love you, too, Johnny," he whispered softly. Then, he left the woods with John still sitting there, staring.
John sat on the soft ground, watching Steven leave him. He’d heard the quiet endearment and it plucked at his heartstrings. He got up and brushed himself off as Steven had done a few moments before. What could he do? If he didn’t act quickly, he’d lose the best thing that had ever happened to him.
He ran so quickly that he caught up with Steven in no time. He felt more frightened than he ever had in all his life. Without thinking, he took Steven’s hand in his own and held it tightly so that he wouldn’t escape him again. And they walked through the park, holding hands, smiling brightly at one another.
"Steven, I’m ready, willing, and able to be with you. I will do whatever it takes. I want everyone to see us together and I don’t care what they say or do," John said happily. "You know, I’ve been so miserable all week. Couldn’t do anything but think of you. I can’t understand why I didn’t come to you sooner. I suppose I was afraid that you’d hate me forever for hurting you and betraying you."
They continued walking through the park. People were whispering and staring at the two young men who were holding hands and gazing at one another with glowing eyes and brilliant smiles. John heard the whispers and saw the stares. He held his head up and his carriage was straight and tall. Beside him, Steven also held his head high as they reached the edge of the park.
Just then, Kevin and Dave came around the corner in Dave’s car. There was their best mate Johnny holding hands with that queer bastard Carter! And John looked so happy as he reached over to pull Steven into a hot embrace. As the kiss deepened, Dave stomped on his brakes and the tires screeched on the asphalt as they took in the scene before them. John looked up to see Kevin’s face twisted into an ugly grimace. Kevin got out of the car, ran over to John and Steven, and started poking John in the chest with his index finger.
"So, it is true!" Kevin screamed wildly. "My best mate is a fucking poof! What the fuck has come over you, Johnny? Why are you here with that gay piece of garbage?"
John’s face turned red with anger as he grabbed Kevin’s hand to stop the assault. He pushed Steven behind him, to protect him from Kevin’s wrath.
"Yeah, Kevin. It’s true. I’m gay and you can go take a flying leap for all I care. Everyone can. I’m tired of living the lie as well. Everything that Steven said in assembly at Prize Day is true about me too. I’m gay and I don’t want to keep hiding. I want to be myself and be happy. And that means being with Steven. Come on, Steve. Let’s go."
John took Steve’s hand in his again and they walked away, leaving Kevin and Dave behind them on the pavement. Kevin looked at the ground, his mouth hanging open in shock. Dave put his hand on his friend’s shoulder, only to find it being angrily shaken off.
"Let’s go to the pub," Kevin said. "I need a pint or two."
The two shocked friends got back into Dave’s car and sped off towards the pub in complete silence.
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